As a native born and raised Floridian, I highly appreciate the changing of
the 4 seasons that we find in our Southern State: mildly hot; hotter; hotter than
Hades, and, of course, Fuhgeddaboudit Hot.
The advent of the changing of seasons is precipitated by telltale signs,
especially notable during our “Mildly Hot” time of year.
As nature watchers report, beautiful creatures migrate here each year, to
enjoy our wonderful climate, known to even the most casual observer as the
much-coveted “snowbird”.
We know this by increased traffic, more populated restaurants and
shopping areas, as well as the addition of the music of this season: the dreaded
honking.
As I drive in my beloved convertible, I must decide each day whether to
enjoy the benefits of living in paradise and driving with my car top down or being
accosted by the cacophonous noise surrounding me.
Growing up in a tourist state means I was taught at a young age to
appreciate all that these visitors bring. Truly, I still do. However, the level of
impatience and stress on the roads definitely does begin to impact me.
I know I am not alone in this.
As my temperament is more of a “fixer”, not a complainer, I decided to
take action.
Researchers affirm that one in three adults is chronically lonely. Those
studies indicate that socially isolated individuals tend to report higher irritability,
poor health and psychological distress. Simply stated, as we age, the less we
feel connected and physical touch does a lot to alleviate that. The Solution? A
Hug!
Now I am not advocating stopping your vehicle and hugging someone
while driving on the Turnpike.
However, during interactions with others, perhaps we can decrease some
of the stress in our community simply by giving each other a hand to hold.
As the poet, John Keats, said, “Touch has a Memory”. So today, let’s
follow AT&T’s encouragement and, “Reach Out and Touch Someone”!
It can be said that certain ladies in our community may have more plastic in their bodies than what is found in their wallets. The water aerobics class I joined recently definitely proved that not everyone needs flotation devices to stay buoyant. That was just one small insight that the session provided.
At 41, I was diagnosed with stenosis, degenerative disc disease and told that I have 2 herniated discs in my lower back. Strenuous exercise on my beloved stairmaster was not recommended any longer. So I searched for alternative ways to release stress and stay fit.
All of which is how I arrived at an aquatic center early one morning, doing a water workout.
As I was, by far, the youngest member of the class, I was eyed with a lot of suspicion and wariness. Some thought I even might be the instructor. Since back pain is not something that others can notably discern, the “Regulars” questioned my intent at participating.
I definitely felt like the new kid on the block and was instantly reminded of being a young teenager, starting class at a new school.
There was the “in” group, of course, who wore brighter, more “modern” bathing caps than the others, and let me know right away not to touch their equipment: it was reserved for them. A few shy participants smiled timidly in my direction. A group of “misfits” annoyed everyone with their splashing and loud conversation.
Amongst this, I was the athlete, and if you know me, that is unbelievable. I was watched with outright envy and disgust. What a feeling! I admit enjoying the appreciation and all was going great until I suffered a “Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction”, while doing jumping jack movements.
The shame was overwhelming until I realized no one around me had their glasses on and probably did not see what happened!
The point is that no matter how old (or young) we are, social interaction and inclusion remains integral to our identity. Getting older does not make that feeling of wanting to be important disappear. Actually, the opposite happens.
The whole episode reminded me of how as we get older, sometimes we feel as if we disappear from society. No longer young and pretty, many older individuals complain of not feeling wanted or needed. Family, work and our community as a whole needs to embrace this incredible resource we have in our senior population, taking advantage of the time, patience and experience each person offers.
So for the lady in the pretty, blue-ruffle bathing suit, thank you. Many thanks for winking and looking the other way when that embarrassing moment happened. I appreciated your kindness and plan to pay it forward. Just not at water aerobics.
Recently, I enjoyed watching Victoria and Abdul, a movie about the relationship between the
octogenarian, Queen Victoria, at the end of her reign, and a young, Indian servant, Abdul Karim.
The bond was deemed so controversial and scandalous by her family members that upon her death,they scrubbed his existence from history. Why was the royal household so outraged? Was it just merely his station in life compared to hers? His color? His religion? Jealousy that she preferred to spend time with him than them?
The bigger issue remains why did the family not trust and accept her judgment? A woman,
who at the age of 81, was a mother to 9 children, 42 grandchildren, and despite numerous health
issues, helped enact in her lifetime 2,347 pieces of legislation, plus was the longest serving monarch in world history, responsible for five households, a staff of over 3,000 individuals and a kingdom of nearly one billion people!
Ageism remains the last barrier in our country, with many families confronting similar issues.
Is Mom spending too much time with someone they do not “approve”? Is she acting in a way with
which they are not comfortable? Dancing into the wee hours? Taking too many vacations? Spending money in ways they think is frivolous?
On the flip side, Dad wants to know why his children no longer think he is capable of driving
when he has done so since he was 12. Why do his children think they have the right to dictate where he should live, when he once clothed and diapered them?! Who are they to say how he should run his life?
As the “sandwich” generation becomes more and more of a footlong, many of these sensitive
topics inevitably become addressed only during annual get-togethers, such as holiday celebrations. Already emotionally charged moments take on monster proportions. Who is going to take care of our parents, when we live so far away? Why do I need my children’s help when I have been an adult longer than they have been alive?! Where are our parents going to go when they no longer can take care of themselves? Does Dad have dementia or is he simply just getting older?
We all want the best for our loved ones. Unfortunately, this leads often to unrealistic
expectations and disappointment, which in turn, encourages guilt and isolation. As Queen Victoria
aptly said, “We are not interested in the possibilities of defeat. They do not exist.”
Which Reminds Me:
While family gatherings and events held during the holidays still remain fresh in my memory, I continue hearing saxophone music ringing in my ears, a soul stirring melody of promises not kept,
inspiring me to do better. As our January determination fades into February frustration, perhaps the best resolution is to grant forgiveness. Not just to others, but mostly for ourselves and the goals we set that are impossible to meet.